With a Twist of Irony

The Washington Post Mensa Invitational annually attracts wannabe verbarians who add, subtract, or change one letter in a word, then add a witty definition and viola: an oddly familiar, yet profound new word. 2006’s amazingly appropriate winners:

• Arachnoleptic Fit – The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
• Beelzebug – Satan as a mosquito, getting into your bedroom at three in the morning which even he could not cast out.
• Bozone – The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down any time soon.
• Cashtration – The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
• Caterpallor – The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
• Decafalon – The grueling event of getting through the day, consuming only things that are good for you.
• Dopeler Effect – The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
• Foreploy – Any misrepresentation about yourself to get laid.
• Giraffiti – Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
• Glibido – All talk and no action.
• Hipatitis – Terminal coolness.
• Ignoranus – A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
• Inoculatte – To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
• Intaxication – Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
• Karmageddon – It’s when everybody is sending off all these terrible vibes, and then the Earth explodes. Serious bummer.
• Osteopornosis – A degenerate disease.
• Reintarnation – Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
• Sarchasm – The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.